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by KiwiGrey1998



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Mentioned Beth, Mentioned Diane - Freeform, Mentioned Morty, Mentioned Summer, Mentioned Unity, Suicidal Ideation, mentioned jerry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiGrey1998/pseuds/KiwiGrey1998
Summary: Ricks drunken musings
Kudos: 6





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**Author's Note:**

> Reuploaded from FF, originally posted on 06/15/2017 (my birthday lol) under my pen name WiredBryar
> 
> This will be a one shot,it will be dealing with depression and probably other dark matters considering its about Rick. Please review :) it really is just some drabble.

Rick sighed,everything felt fuzzy but he was used to that. Fuzzy was better than sober. Drunk meant numb,numb meant he didn't feel. Rick reached for his flask and drank deeply,burping he leaned back in his chair. He hated the guilt that came with sobriety,he hated feeling anything...it wasn't that he couldn't like people thought,he didn't know how to process feelings. He did what all Ricks do and numbed the pain with alcohol. Whether Rick liked it or not he was an alcoholic.

"You're a fai-URRRRP-lure." Rick mumbled to himself as he drank deeper,he knew what he did to people. He knew he was a tornado of destruction,all he felt was a comstant self loathing. He finished the bottle in a few swigs and pushed the feelings down. His body protested but he didn't care as he laid back. There wasn't enough alcohol to drown his sins,he had committed too many not that he believed in idiotic concepts like "God" and "sin".

He thought about how Morty had almost been raped as a result of his drinking...in that stupid bar on Mortys' little quest. What if Morty hadn't overpowered the sugar filled asshole? He knew that traumatized Morty,just like many of their adventures. He hoped Morty didn't become a drunk like him,or Beth.

Fuck,the things he had done to her. He broke her heart...more than once,in several dimensions actually. And she came crawling back everytime he had hurt her. He fucked that little girl up so badly,she would do anything to stop him leaving and yet Jerry would do anything to keep him away from his family. Jerry had every right to hate Rick he thought.

Jerry wanted to take care of his family...but failed miserably. Rick felt that was his fault,he knew he tore the Smith family apart and impacted everyone. He reached for another bottle and quickly unscrewed the cap and swallowed half the bottle in one go.

Rick thought back to Diane and Unity,two of the only people he had ever loved. He had torn their worlds apart,in two different ways. Unity,he had made it into an addict and corrupted a young sweet hive mind. He broke its heart,Diane was another story. He pushed Diane to the side when he chose science and adventure over her. Diane had been the love of his life,but she left and it was his fault,he pushed her away. He abandoned his family and what did he have to show for it?

Finally,he started to go numb again. It was nice summer weather that made the garage warm. Summer...he fucked her up too,he couldn't avoid it. He made her life great and miserable as Tiny Rick,he killed the boy she liked...but he also bullied Morty. She and Beth thought he was a hero.

He isn't,Rick Sanchez is just a super fucked up scientist who...doesn't deserve to live really. "How many people died because of me? Oh god...B-URRRP-ird Person...entire worlds gone,on a whim. I am a fuck-URRRRRP-ing mistake..."

Rick struggled to get out of bed and stumbled to his work table,falling over a couple times before he reached it. He found his laser gun and pointed it at his head,crying,he tried to pull the trigger but passed out on the floor before he could. He just wanted to be gone or numb or something else.


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